the abstraction:
oh river, river, the highway song
hums twilight lid
over the bright eyes of the zephyrs.
the carbon cells against my wrist
burn lemon, tap wet
fingers, flickering lamp switches and buttons
the way the awakening waves
stream through the sealed panes and the walls,
leaves me crawling back to some blackness.
a translation:
river, i smell your dawn,
between the fluid melody
of cars streaming, fish on the highway
my wrist has carpal tunnel
from love vibrations and voltage leak
of electric cells caught between stiff fingers.
the way the dreaded cockcrow arrives,
the first dark blue, the moon growing old,
leaves me crawling beneath my bedding.
the poem:
river, river, i smell your dawn,
the sea starved song,
the singing of the streamlined
fish on the highway.
it silences
the motors
tunneled against my wrist,
it runs dry
the masochism,
numbs the voltage buzz in my fingers.
in the dark,
the moon grows old.
night stumbles away again,
never lullaby nor lover.
1 comment:
The first stanza seems incomplete/bad somehow - perhaps because of how sparse it is or how the word "lid" makes the entire first paragraph nonsensical.
The last paragraph, however, of that stanza is evocative.
Interestingly, the second stanza is better, but I dislike the first paragraph of it. The imagery of cars as fish is interesting, but it doesn't lead into the rest of the stanza. Again, the last stanza is the strongest.
I appreciate, in fact, the second and third paragraphs of each stanza, however the first paragraphs detract from the evocative imagery of what seem to be larger themes. I think that the first stanzas, set apart, would make a good poem, but here, they don't work.
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